Zen Mama’s Teresa Palmer and Sarah Wright Olsen
Images Gemma Pranita // @gemma_peanut
Words Emma Vidgen // @emma_vee
Teresa Palmer and Sarah Wright Olsen are the ultimate renaissance women. Actors, creatives, business owners and advocates, their online platform Your Zen Mama has grown from a blog to a global community in a few short years. The site is a treasure trove of inspiration and advice on modern parenthood. Now the clever friends are adding “authors” to their CVs, with the release of their first book Zen Mamas.
When I connect with Teresa and Sarah, it’s about 10 days into lockdown, and we are already crawling the walls and trying to figure out how to parent mindfully while stuck inside 24/7. If ever there was a time I need some Zen Mama advice it’s now! So how are they staying sane with six kids between them? “We have been playing a lot of board games, swimming, watching movies, doing outdoor scavenger hunts, running races, having dance parties, creating art, playing video games together and building forts,” Teresa says “They’ve just discovered that their sister now at age 1 is actually their most favourite playmate. She laughs at everything they do and it makes them swell with pride. She’s their new favourite “thing”.”
The book is a refreshingly non-preachy approach to pregnancy, birth and beyond; the kind of introduction to motherhood I wish we’d had. There’s no annoying “you should be doing this” or anxiety-inducing “you must reach these milestone” checklists. Just compassionate, informed advice, peppered with heartfelt (sometimes heartbreaking) accounts of Teresa and Sarah’s own pregnancies. “We really hope readers will take away that they can arm themselves with all the tools in the world to be the most loving, present, conscious-minded parents but that the art of letting expectations go and allowing the experience to be what it is without the self-critical voice is key,” Teresa and Sarah explain. “You might not land where you aim but where you land is where you’re supposed to…it’s really normal to feel as though you can’t get all your ducks lined up perfectly in a row. Every day is a little give and take, a lot of negotiating, a part acceptance and a ton of embracing the changes in the moment.”
Although they could never have anticipated the circumstances, the timing of Zen Mama’s release seems especially poignant. “For all the mothers going through pregnancy, birth and postpartum during this critical time in our world we hope this book will bring you comfort and support and help you to know you are not alone.”
HOW ARE YOU HANDLING PARENTHOOD DURING THIS TIME OF HUGE CONTRACTION?
SARAH: I think talking to our kids about what is happening is important but it really depends on their age and what they will understand to know how to handle it. For my kids, ages 3 and 6, we started by explaining to them that we needed to protect our bodies and those around us by social distancing, washing our hands more often and taking care of our bodies. We told them that people all over the world were working together to help slow the spread of the virus by staying home. We talk to them about the “helpers’ the doctors and essential workers who are still out there and we made a sign in front of our house to thank them. My husband reads a story every night with our children on IG to help spread love and to connect with those around the world who are going through this together. It’s hard when the future is unknown but these things have helped our kids have a sense of ownership over what their part is in this and how they can help.
HOW DO YOU FIND TIME TO GROUND AND CENTRE YOURSELF AMID THE CHAOS OF PARENTHOOD?
TERESA: My daily practice is in flux. Some days are long and slow and I find windows to sit and hold space to check in with myself by meditating. Other days are wild and messy, filled with the busyness of life. Those days I will not carve out time to meditate. Often I ask Mark to be with the children so I can steal moments for myself to recharge, otherwise I’ll wait until the house is quiet and dark, everyone deep in slumber. It’s the only time I truly feel as though I can escape into alone time.
SARAH: Because of our current world crisis, I think it would be hard to talk about anything other than what it looks like in our family right now as we are staying home in social isolation. Our daily practices have ramped up which I kind of love. My husband and I take turns, I will go for a walk and listen to a podcast or listen to a 10-minute meditation app. We include our children in this too. I started doing cosmic kids’ yoga with my little ones and Teresa suggested some mediation stories that we have been listening to. Before all of this began, I felt a big tug that we needed to slow down a little and find a way to start our day a bit more connected before we all took off to school and work. Our friend taught my son Wyatt (6) how to lead a tea ceremony and he and I began doing this as the sun would come up in the mornings before school. He loved it and so did I.
if you could go back in time to your first pregnancy, what advice would you give yourself?
SARAH: I spent a lot of time reading books, talking to friends, watching videos and documentaries on birth. I was fascinated with it on another level. Labour felt pretty full on when I finally started having contractions and I remember telling everyone I had to be pretty far along cause the waves were intense and close together. I wasn’t and it was hard to not feel disappointed, I felt so prepared for this day that I thought I might know when I was beginning to open and dilate. What I learned through my first birth is that I needed to let go and just follow the flow and not try to over control anything.
I wish I had known what postpartum anxiety was. I was experiencing it with intrusive thoughts during the first year of my son’s life. I did not fully understand what it was or that it was something other mothers experienced until we started our Your Zen Mama community. This helped me to understand that other women were experiencing something similar and it had a name and that I could work through it and help ease my mind
TERESA: To be honest I wouldn’t want to know anything other than what I knew back then. I LOVED the surprise of it all and the growth that offered me. I loved how transformational the experience was and the ways in which I was profoundly changed by becoming a mother, it was so instinctual and I really enjoyed that I didn’t overthink it. I was able to enjoy Bodhi’s pregnancy and birth moment to moment. Each step of the way paved the path to be the person I am now in my relationship with my children.
THE BOOK TALKS A LOT ABOUT CARE IN THE FOURTH TRIMESTER (THE first 12 weeks of your baby’s life). what’s your best advice on navigating this incredibly potent time?
TERESA: Slow down. Just be with your baby, no plans, just in flow with their organic routines. Limit visitors, just cocoon in the haven that is you and your newest little love.
Be kind to yourself. Quieten the busy mind by cultivating self-care. Take baths, read a beloved book, sleep when you can, nurture yourself the way you nurture your baby. You’re doing a wonderful job.
Follow your instinct, that maternal intuition that kicks in. Listen to your and your baby’s cues, don’t try to enforce a rigid routine on bubs or on yourself. Nurse on demand, lots of skin on skin, snuggle and cuddle and breathe in these precious newborn moments but make sure you don’t neglect your own needs. Figure out ways in which you can show up for yourself too.
SARAH: We talk about this a lot in the book because we really believe there are three parts to the fourth trimester. What your body goes through, what your mind goes through and your experience with your baby.
For baby my tip would be to try not to get overwhelmed with sticking to a rigid schedule. It really depends on the type of person you are and what you feel you need as a mother / family to operate and feel good. Just know that things can shift often with your little one as they grow and develop. When once your little one was sleeping at 10am and eating at 11:30 the next day this may change and your schedule could fall apart and feel frustrating. A loose and adaptable schedule could give you some ease.
A tip for mum and your mind: Carve out time for you. If it’s a bath, some time to read a book, sit alone and eat a snack or a meal. Take moments that are for yourself that make you feel good. So much of this time will be fully dedicated to caring for your baby but mama needs to be nourished as well and the place we neglect most often is our mind.
For your body. Be kind to yourself and know that your body spent the last ten months, nourishing and growing another life. Your body will need to heal and will need time to feel “normal” to you again. This may take a year it could take longer but honour what your body has gone through and be proud of the miracle that was created inside of you. Try not to compare yourself with others and their timeline. This healing process will be different for everyone.
Zen Mamas by Teresa Palmer and Sarah Wright Olsen is available now ($34.95, Penguin Random House)